Can Men and Women be Friends?

One of my favourite movies, of all time, is 'When Harry Met Sally". There is a famous scene in the movie, where Billy Crystal is taking a long car journey with Meg Ryan, in which he says "Men and women can't be friends, because the sex part gets in the way."

In one of our early PR classes, Keith gave us a selection of topics to get up and talk about. One option was to talk about our best friend. I sat there and pondered whether or not it was a good idea to get up, in front of a bunch of strangers, and say, "Well, actually...my best friend is a guy, and I also happen to be married".

Society is terribly judgemental. There is still a lot of scepticism when two people of the opposite sex are "just friends", especially when they meet later in life.

I was introduced to Daniel by mutual friends. He was a newly single dad, struggling to father his three kids. I had a lot of children's books, clothes and toys I wanted to get rid of, and Daniel was quite happy to accept them.

When I first met Daniel, he was shy and quiet. He was quite obviously intelligent, kind and gentle. He was polite and charming, and for some reason we got on instantly, like long lost buddies.

We talked a lot about his work as an environmental scientist. I have a great interest in the environment, and was curious about what he did, and impressed by his position. He was certainly a quiet achiever in his field, and I admired his passion to make a difference.

His young son was struggling with reading. I gave him some tips, and soon after his son could not only read, but was addicted to books!

We would exchange a lot of emails about our kids, about life, about all sorts of issues. The emails got longer and more and more trusting. Both of us have a love of the written word and craved our daily accounts to each other, which became more important to Daniel when he had to go up to Karratha for work.

As we got closer, I began to question my values and "What would people think??" Was I supposed to be this close to another man, being a married woman?

I think the key was honesty. From the onset of our friendship, we made our intentions fairly clear. There were times we had to be brutal, but being able to express ourselves and to be very open, was important and empowering.

My husband was aware of the friendship from the start. I was respectful and let him know, all the time, what was going on. He trusted me and explained that I was never an orthodox person, so nothing ever surprised him about me and, for as long as he had known me, all of my closer friends had been male.

Eventually, Daniel and my husband met. We felt it was an important step, if we wanted to be life long friends and to keep things honest and respectful. It was amazing. The two men had an instant (very heterosexual) like for each other. They are two very different men, but had a lot in common.

Our families now spend a lot of time with each other. Boating, fishing, barbecues together, have just been some of the fun we have had. Daniel and his children even spent Christmas Day with us. The two men have a great interest in mining and the stock market, and are constantly sharing trading advice. The kids are just like cousins.

As you get older, it seems to become harder to make friends. School friends tend to move on, depending on what stage they are at in their lives. Some have families, while others never marry. We have made friends through our son's school, work and swim clubs, but not always 'intimate' friends that value your trust...friends you can openly love.

Daniel was the one who inspired me to go back to study. My husband had been bugging me for years, but now he had a partner in crime and he loves it!

Our friendship is very supportive. We usually meet for lunch once a week, to get things off our chests. Daniel has just received a huge promotion with a mining company, so struggles with the new pressures that have come with that. I don't have a lot of advice, but I will sit there and listen. He has really poor choices in women, so I sit there and pretend to care about his latest date :) we talk about our kids, we talk about my studies. I love it when I get a txt message from him, after my son has been at a swim meet, "So how did he go?"

To have people in your life, who really care about you, no matter the gender, is a beautiful thing.

Can men and women be friends? they certainly can be! yes, we do playfully flirt and can be nasty to each other, but we know where we stand, and accept we play an important role in each other's lives.